Besides the many encouraging feedbacks to yesterday’s post and the heartening updates regarding emphasis being placed on raising excellent boy children in some churches, there also came 2 germane questions from one of our leaders…

1. What do we do if a man/woman says it is not the church's business to meddle in their affairs?

2. What do we do if a man/woman does as he/she wills inspite of the church's intervention?

1. The church will persist in praying for the man/woman, earnestly.

2. The church should sustain good relationship with the man/woman, always extending hands of fellowship. Satan doesn't give up, the church shouldn't.

3. The church can employ excellent human relations and patience to access the person's circle of influence and send help/counsels to him/her via that channel. We have done it before. And, everyone answers to a circle of influence.

4. The church should be proactive in safeguarding anyone left vulnerable by the man/woman - especially spouse and children.

5. If required (as in domestic abuse), the church may have to report to the police or such other agents.

6. Through it all, the church should be careful not to be more judgmental than redemptive. The latter is God's ultimate desire.

In the case of the second question however, all the above points should be sustained but with keen emphasis on the latter three. However, we can proactively put structures in places to (perhaps) prevent us from getting to such nadirs in the first place. Pruning and mentoring…

The word prune in Hebrew means to trim, cut back, clip, and lop. Jesus said that "every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit" (John 15:2). One would have easily excused the productive branches from such discomforting process as clipping, trimming and cutting back. But the productive men among us require much more attention, so that they continue to be noble. Very early in our marriage, I remember myself chasing an appointment slot with our mentor - to give updates on how we had been. At the peak of my chase, she wondered “Is everything alright?” Things were alright but I know now, as I did then, that we need to keep learning so that things can remain alright.

Although it may be a complex idea, but the Catholic idea of allocating young couples (say 0 - 5 years) to mentors and little children to godparents have so many benefits if done appropriately. Almost all churches have platforms for married people to relate - men’s groups, women’s groups and/or collectively. But honestly, one can easily get lost in there due to disparity in the age groups and varying needs. Years ago, one of our pastors started a group in our church (in Nigeria) for young families to relate among ourselves and rub minds under the mentors’ watches. Quarterly or biannual honest interactions with mentors may be very helpful, and virtual platforms have made meetings and interactions easier and more convenient.. This combined with the existing platform may be beneficial.

Years ago, a brother was worshipping in our church for the first time, we had been longing for him to come someday. On the ‘someday’, the usher insisted that he should remove his cowboy hat and perhaps she insisted to the point that our brother felt embarrassed and walked out of the church. Of course the Lord brought him back into that service and the Lord bless his wonderful contributions to the fold. There will be need for us all, especially our mentors and veterans to be ready to learn, unlearn and relearn as well. Culture and doctrines are great and to be respected, but not above the scriptures. We can be less legalistic without throwing away the core of our Christian faith. Once you are seen as legalistic, that’s the end of honesty.

Having said that, we may do everything and still not have the testimonies we desire. Some brethren may decline all hands of fellowship, may walk away altogether from the faith and so on. A man once stopped coming to church and he stopped his wife and children too, despite every intervention. That’s back to the top of the list - continual fervent prayers be sustained for such families, especially the wives and children.

Selah!

© SELAH SERIES 2022