Perhaps the best cure for the men folks is men. The type, pattern, and quality of fatherhood play more roles in the evolution of a boy child almost more than any other factor. Fathers are mentors – you don’t have to like being a mentor, you are. In an ideal family where fathers and mothers live together and raise their children within Christian tenets (I don’t just mean religious ways, please), fathers are usually the first heroes that children know and adore. There!!

There is the best period to deliberately start raising good boys, teenagers, and youths who will evolve into noble men. How? Not by being the Grand Commander or Captain, but by your noble examples. Love and observation are vital tools for the little ones, and that’s where your default person goes a long way. My tribute to my late dad (God rest his soul) includes this - “Your doting love for me and calling me away from troubled paths will always remain with me. Through my love and fear (reverence) of you, I can better appreciate how to love and fear (revere) the Lord, you were the first father that I knew before I met The Father".

He was a noble father even though he was not a Pentecostal Christian and was a weekend father until he retired from farming, by which time I had left home. Let’s import 2 things from there: I find it painful to see some Christ-professing fathers being the source of his family’s traumatic stress disorders and in some cases, the reasons why their children have to refrain from whatever relates to Christianity. Imagine the mental agony of children who witness their supposedly Christian dads physically abusing their moms! A lady said a few years ago, “If Jesus is what daddy preaches and what has kept mum in this bondage, then, I have to refrain from Jesus”. That’s the exact reverse of what God desires.

By the way, if you want your children to love you, respect your wife. It’s a mystery. Young - middle-aged fathers have the opportunity of learning from the hindsight of the generation ahead of us. Many of those ignoble men ended up being alienated from their nuclear families, sadly. Yes, your marriage may be having issues and love may be long lost, or you are separated or divorced already, please retain respect - as much as practicable. And if things are still redeemable, please don’t quit. Research and social welfare stats show that children are better raised by both parents. So, if you love and want the best for your children, please do more to make your marriage work; stay back and father them.

The career, business, and economic demands on families mean that many marriages have to come up with different coping mechanisms. There is no ‘one size fits all’ here. Whatever works best for your home is your recipe – please, do it. However, it is more productive (for your matrimony and parenting) for families to live together, especially during the child-rearing stages of your lives. If it means one parent is in a stable job and the other is just managing, then so be it. Many couples who live together are having issues with their marriages and their children, how much more commuter homes? Distance doesn’t help homes.

In addition, you have to live the principles and rules that you teach them. A few months back, our younger boy asked – “Why do you do whatever you want, including not observing 8 pm bedtime?” The explanation I gave was daddy’s sacrifices – doing dishes, cleaning to get the house set for the following day, late evening shopping, returning so late from work many times, etc. He was also told of how I remain answerable to them (my wife and sons) and act in their best interest - not just do whatever I want. Definitely, my approach to the question can be bettered by another dad, but the bottom line was to let him know that fathers don’t defy the principles they teach and not do just whatever they want. Fathers must be consistent and accountable.

Selah!

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