Day 6: Can you marry you?
Yeah, so the topic I have to discuss is, can you marry you? That’s a profound question that each one of us needs to reflect on. Can you marry you? Or if you’re married already, can you be comfortable staying married to you if your spouse exhibits the same character as yourself? If they do things the same way you do, do you think you’ll be comfortable with that? It is a question for all of us to reflect on.
I want us to anchor this discussion on the book of 2nd Peter 1 vs 5-6, which discusses what we need to add to our faith.
Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness.
Many of us would say, “This is who I am, and if you cannot accept me that way, that’s fine.” However, we expect other people to change; we want them to accommodate us or adapt to who we are, and that is not fair. The Bible says that we should do to others what we want them to do to us and act to others the way we want to be acted to. The truth is that everybody wants some degree of mercy, we want to be understood, and we want people to be patient with us, but we consistently snap at people, not even just in marriage, but in all our relationships - friendship, fellowship, parental, amongst siblings and workplace. We want to be listened to, understood, and shown mercy and patience, but we are quick to do the opposite. That isn’t fair.
Everybody should make the needed changes. Look at yourself; check your character, attitude, and presentation. Are you okay with them? Are your human skills good enough for other people in your life? If it is just that you want other people to accept you that way without changing, even though you know that you’re challenging to live with, difficult to please, or you are a handful, then fair should be fair. This is a call to reflect on who you are and then begin making the required or desired changes. While the changes may not be spontaneous, if you are willing, it is possible. Begin to work on yourself gradually. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we will be able to add virtue, patience, moral excellence or whatever the desired change is to our lives, and at the end of the day, we will become that beauty to behold.
Oluwafeyikemi Popoola
Can you marry you? A woman once sympathised with her husband for putting up with her many issues. I was in a gathering very recently, and a husband enlisted applause for his wife’s godly virtues, especially her patience and forbearance. The sadness written on his wife’s face was quite unambiguous. The man and the woman in these two separate encounters could not commit to improving their ways. Many such spouses have become ‘agbelebu’ (cross) and prayer projects for their spouses. That is not fair. That is not what God ordained marriage to be. If you can’t marry you, start to amend your ways. Please.
© Selah Series 2024
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Tolu Adefi 8/6/2024 at 3:44 PM
This is profound! Am I able to put up with my kind of character and behaviours if they are coming constantly from my spouse? Will I accept the things I do to my spouse if that is what I get from them constantly? The golden rule is do unto others as you want them to do unto you. If we all pause a minute and reflect on this principle before undertaking any action, I guess marriages, social engagements, diplomatic relations and all forms of relationships will be much better than we currently experience. There will be fewer wars, fewer conflicts and ultimately a better world!!!
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'Lekan 8/7/2024 at 2:22 PM
Unfortunately these are scriptural injunctions such that one would have expected children of God to be operating at this level - even at factory settings.
Olufisayo 8/6/2024 at 6:48 AMThis is a piece that springs up reflecting on ourselves. Reflections and self evaluation is surely a way to grow in any field of life including marriage. There is at least one thing to work on to make that marriage more enjoyable, a behavior to be learned or unlearned for our spouses to be more comfortable. If I desire a change in my partner I should look for the me in me that needs to be changed to bring about the change I am hoping for in my spouse. The holy Spirit took me to a place one day that made me sympathize(best word here is take pity on) with my spouse and how he has been managing or coping with some of my ME traits... Such revelations are privileges and they should be taken seriously... Have you ever thought that the way you respond to your friends calls and chats are sometimes humorous than that of your spouse? Have you thought that the number of chances you give to your colleagues and friends before you snap at them may actually be more than what you give to your partner? There is always a better version of YOU and the best person to experience this version of YOU is your Partner.. #mythoughts#
Olufisayo 8/6/2024 at 6:48 AMThis is a piece that springs up reflecting on ourselves. Reflections and self evaluation is surely a way to grow in any field of life including marriage. There is at least one thing to work on to make that marriage more enjoyable, a behavior to be learned or unlearned for our spouses to be more comfortable. If I desire a change in my partner I should look for the me in me that needs to be changed to bring about the change I am hoping for in my spouse. The holy Spirit took me to a place one day that made me sympathize(best word here is take pity on) with my spouse and how he has been managing or coping with some of my ME traits... Such revelations are privileges and they should be taken seriously... Have you ever thought that the way you respond to your friends calls and chats are sometimes humorous than that of your spouse? Have you thought that the number of chances you give to your colleagues and friends before you snap at them may actually be more than what you give to your partner? There is always a better version of YOU and the best person to experience this version of YOU is your Partner.. #mythoughts#
Olufisayo 8/6/2024 at 6:48 AMThis is a piece that springs up reflecting on ourselves. Reflections and self evaluation is surely a way to grow in any field of life including marriage. There is at least one thing to work on to make that marriage more enjoyable, a behavior to be learned or unlearned for our spouses to be more comfortable. If I desire a change in my partner I should look for the me in me that needs to be changed to bring about the change I am hoping for in my spouse. The holy Spirit took me to a place one day that made me sympathize(best word here is take pity on) with my spouse and how he has been managing or coping with some of my ME traits... Such revelations are privileges and they should be taken seriously... Have you ever thought that the way you respond to your friends calls and chats are sometimes humorous than that of your spouse? Have you thought that the number of chances you give to your colleagues and friends before you snap at them may actually be more than what you give to your partner? There is always a better version of YOU and the best person to experience this version of YOU is your Partner.. #mythoughts#
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'Lekan 8/7/2024 at 2:21 PM
Many thanks, Fisayo, for sharing these profound thoughts. If we can all handle these practical questions very well, our homes will be heavens on earth.
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