Day 14: The wedding vow - 3

“I [Name] take you [Name] to be my husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God, I make this vow.”

There continue to be doctrinal edits to the wedding vow. I was in a Christian leadership program about 16 years ago, and I remember arguing why “for better for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and health” should be retained as they are. Yes, I get the argument - declare only positive things, prophesy all-round glory into your home. I get it. And we are not foraying into doctrinal arguments and counterarguments. 

But let’s remind ourselves of a few basic tenets of the Christian faith. I am still looking for where in the Bible we have been called unto a walk that is entirely “from glory to glory.” We are followers of the crucified Christ. Selah. And as Paul wrote, we preach Christ crucified (1 Cor 1 vs 23). So, it is imperative to disciple people about to marry with honest principles. Let people know what they are getting into. Marriage is not only from glory to glory. Folks, you will be broke at some point. This mortal body may be ill at some point. Ups and downs will be the path, but ultimately, we will be victorious in all ways, to God’s glory. This doctrinal understanding is vital to limit the enemy’s exploits in our fold. The exchange of “to have and to hold” vows by the generation that doesn’t brace up for challenges in marriage, can’t be real. 

In the semi-final match of the last AFCON, Nigeria scored the second goal against South Africa, but while we were jubilating, the video assistant referee had other ideas. A prior foul was spotted. Not only was Nigeria’s second goal chalked off, a penalty kick was alloted because the foul happened in Nigeria’s box 18. The Southy guy couldn’t have dispatched the penalty better: from 2:0 to 1:1. We had the second goal, but we couldn’t hold on to it. That’s the story in many homes - the hold is lost just as swiftly as Nigeria’s 2:0 to 1:1. To have and to hold is the original plan and the ultimate essence of marriage. 

If you watch football a lot these days, you will understand that scoring a goal is not the same as the goal counting. Wedding paparazzi are beautiful and so good to behold. Having a spouse is quite straightforward, but holding onto the spouse is another thing altogether. And yeah, many couples live together but do not hold onto each other, which is quite concerning!

Two shall put 10,000 to flight (Deut 32 vs 30) is a primary scriptural principle that drives home the benefits of a thriving marriage. Having unity of purpose, being naked and not ashamed, loving, cherishing and honouring each other all culminate in holding. If you don’t pay attention to each other, support each other, cherish each other, spend quality time with each other, invest in each other, and enjoy mutually satisfying and superb sex with each other, the holding part may not be feasible, or not for too long. Over the next few days, we will look closely at romance and sex, culminating in a live Selah Intimacy Hub session 7pm on Saturday. Please don’t miss a thing. 

© Selah Series 2024