Distractions account for my leaving the teabag too late in the water. I was busy serving the family in wonderful ways that I forgot to take out the teabag within a specific time frame. There was not much I could do to salvage that situation. I had to get another mug of tea. Nobility did not cancel out the repercussions of those distractions.

Countless noble stuffs are distracting us from excelling in our roles as parents. Is this the intention of the Father? I guess not. 

Given the economic situation globally, it is becoming almost impracticable for a parent to be a full-time homemaker. But when does a parent’s job become a distraction to parenting? We all desire to excel in what we do or where we work. Again, when does that noble desire become a distraction to our parenting role? Our ultimate service should be unto the Father - in diverse ways, including ministering before Him and His flock. But again, when do our spiritual and religious engagements begin to hinder our parenting ministry? 

Are you expecting me to proffer answers to the above questions? Sorry to disappoint you, I don’t have the exact answers. In this case, as in most life situations, no one size fits all. Each family, each parent, each context and each child’s needs will determine the answers. One thing that I would like to note, however, is the understanding of times and seasons. For example, even amidst the bills and high cost of living that comes with ilu oyinbo (living overseas), my wife didn’t work in her first 18 months here. Back at home, I never envied the travails of many resident doctors and bankers in childbearing stages, especially the ladies. 

So, when a parent intends to excel in career, postgraduate studies, “full-time” ministry, side business and parenting all at the same time, it may not come as a surprise that the young ones may end up as the teabag left not promptly, appropriately and effectively attended to - I don’t mean “unattended”. This should undoubtedly lead us to family planning, shouldn’t it? We will get to it down the road. 

Some opportunities are too good to be true, yet we may have to let them slide. Even once-in-a-lifetime ones? Well, you have a choice to make - do these “unmissable” opportunities rank higher than your children turning out so well? It is only for a few years, you may argue. And that argument may be correct, although not perfect. In the grand scheme of things, our children’s few but formative years are indeed the unmissable opportunities for parents.  

Raising a big family is terrific. In my practice in Ireland, I have seen families with as many as 14 children from a single monogamous family. Imagine the children all grown and married, having their families and converging at Christmas or family occasions. What a beauty! But before we swell in that joyous end, imagine the finances, provisions, shelter, hard labour and time of baking each child after God’s plan and evolving the child into a responsible adult. If you and your spouse can only be deliberate at raising one, please don’t do more than one. Family planning should not be reduced to “just contraceptives.”

While I got a new mug of tea after my wife rejected the first mug, bear in mind that a child is the product in this exploration. We can’t throw one out and make another one. The repercussions of shambolic parenting are often not easily undone, if at all possible.

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