Communication is one theme that has metamorphosed so much in the past 25 years. Communication sector, banking, teaching, healthcare, construction, and architecture; every walk of life continues to evolve. Have you ever wondered how far back a few decades look? Internet and smart devices happened, and the world has gone gaga, never to remain the same.
Parenting is not left out. Decades gone by, parenting in yesteryears involved every responsible adult to play a role under the legendary ideology that although a woman gives birth to a child, collective communal efforts are required to raise the child. Powerful values and moral codes are drilled into the child’s consciousness and subconsciousness by every agent of socialisation around the child.
Preach that communal and thorough version of parenting to this generation, and you may get something like - “parents were demigods, oligarchs, CEOs and military leaders of suppressed and oppressed empires”. It is noteworthy that this is a global narrative, not just Africa.
But hold on, if we understand the metamorphosis that has permeated every aspect of human endeavours, including marriages and even church sermons, how shall we expect parenting to remain literally as in the days of Methuselah, Noah, and Abraham?
Parenting the Z generation requires much communication - effective communication. It requires we begin to unlearn some of the ethos we grew up with, e.g. the child can’t look you in the face, must fidget to show respect, strict disciplinary measures, do as I say patterns, bashing out orders on youngsters etc. Are we unlearning these because they are all outrightly bad? No, not quite. Rather, today’s focus is on relearning these basic parenting skills.
Maintaining eye contact during conversations is vital for their self-esteem, confidence, appropriate communication ethos, and respect. And, of course, they don’t have to panic, kneel or the likes to show respect. The proper pitch and tone of conversations, body language and gestures are best taught by parents’ examples - how daddy relates to mummy and how they relate to the children. In fact, maintaining eye contact means that I often kneel or squat to speak with the boys. The same goes for disciplinary measures; you must create what works for each child and, in the ambits of the law, help sculpt a child that God can be proud of.
Autocratic methods need to be reviewed in many families. You keep fighting them because they want to express themselves, and you always speak and shout over them, shut them in, up or down. Be their playmate, and relax. Heaven will not fall if a child decides what s/he wants for dinner as often as practicable, picks his/her shoes, or even contributes to major family decisions (where to buy a house, house design, type of car, family events etc.). Democracy. Hey Dad, can you start teaching politeness by living it? “Lad, can you please give me a glass of water? Thanks.” You are still the daddy. Politeness is the bedrock of respect and civility.
Are we going to let the minors lead themselves? No. The God who trusted Abraham to lead his home after him does not expect children to be herds without shepherds. Hence, God has put you there to guide and guard them. Also, just as the earthly shepherds require rods to drive their flocks and the heavenly Shepherd has a sure + sealed foundation built on statutes and precepts, parents too should employ godly principles and lifestyles to guide their young ones.
Oh, this one bit more, please say NO to them as often as NO is NO. NO is a very potent guide when used with effective communication.
©️ SELAH SERIES 2023
