“Recompense to no man evil for evil… If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men… Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good” Rom 12:17-21

Since time immemorial, “my mother-in-law hates me” has been a common sentiment among daughters-in-law, and it may not be totally erased. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines hate as intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger or a sense of injury or extreme dislike or disgust. And there are some questions we need to consider to get an in-depth understanding of this topic.

1.     Who is my mother-in-law?

2.     Is she a Christian or not?

3.     Am I a Christian?

4.     What causes her to hate me? Or why does she hate me?

When being a Christian is fast becoming a thing of vogue, we need to remind ourselves who a Christian is. A Christian is someone who has encountered Christ’s redemption experience, has repented from his or her sinful ways, lives a separated and holy life among others, fears the Lord, loves the words of God, reads, listens and does according to the Scriptures, who is filled with the spirit of God, and is committed to prayers.

The causes of animosity between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law vary from one culture and background to another. However, while faith, education and civilisation are curing some of the points below, even some supposedly educated and civilised religious people still live in the past. Why does my mother-in-law hate me?

1.     Love: Competing love for the man who is a son to the mother and husband to the wife.

2.     Differences In Social Class: This is common where the husband’s family is wealthy, and the wife’s is poor and vice versa.

3.     Challenges: Many times, when there are some challenges facing the man after marriage, some mothers-in-law believe that the wife brought bad luck to their sons.

4.     Delay In Conception: When conception is delayed, some mothers-in-law may assume that the wife has a familiar spirit.

5.     Gender views:  This is usually a problem in some African traditions where male children are more valued than females.  

6.     Pride: This is a two edge sword; the mother-in-law or the wife may have pride issues, and where both are proud, the exponential factor for animosity becomes infinite, especially in a family where the wife is the family’s breadwinner.

7.     Choice battle: A mother-in-law who never liked the wife before she married her son will only continue to detest her after their marriage.

How Do I Cope With A Mother-In-Law That Hates Me?

1.     Be genuinely born again.

2.     Be filled with the Spirit of God.

3.     Show love to her all the time.

4.     Give her total care all the time.

5.     Be prayerful and pray for her.

I will conclude with the counsel that my mother gave me when I was about to marry. She said, “Always see your mother-in-law as me, your mother. Always relate to her as a daughter to mother anytime, everywhere. You must never harbour any offence against her in your heart and never report your mother-in-law to your husband or anybody else. You must never discuss the mistakes of your mother-in-law with your friends or relations, and if anything is proving difficult from her side, look unto God in prayers and ask for wisdom from above. I know, and I believe God will answer your prayer.”

I thank the Almighty God that I applied my mother’s counsel, and it worked for me to the extent that it was difficult for many people to believe that my mother-in-law was not my mother. With God’s wisdom and prayers, the counsel worked for me, and I believe by the grace of God that it can work for you.

Deaconness Florence Fayokun

©️ SELAH SERIES 2023