‘WIDOW’ is a name that no lady wishes to be called, especially at one’s early stage of life. When one gets married, the hope to live together with one’s spouse is high, the hope of excelling in careers and celebrating happy moments, the hope of raising godly children together, seeing them through school years, giving the daughters out in marriage, taking wives for the sons, celebrating forty years, fifty years, sixty years together as couples, seeing one’s own grand and great-grandchildren together e.t.c. For some couples, these dreams come true while for others the hope is shattered, and for some, so early in their matrimonial lives. Even for older widows, the pain of losing a close friend, a confidant, a gist partner is still there.

However, the plight of a young widow is quite different. Her hope of raising the children together with her husband, financial security, physical, emotional, and spiritual protection offered by the late husband is shattered so soon. In some cases, the family members of the late husband are hostile, the mothers and sisters-in-law being the worse culprits. Some widows are even accused of being responsible for the death of their husbands. Some cultures and traditions subject the widows to untenable treatments when they need the greatest measures of love and kindness. The problem is even greater if the deceased husband was financially buoyant and has some properties. The family members scramble for the properties, not minding the future of the widow and the children their son left behind.

Unfortunately, people have forgotten that some years back, they gathered together to witness the joining of this devastated woman with her late husband. There the presiding minister read out some vital reasons why marriage is ordained according to the Scriptures.

Summary of the minister’s charge:

For companionship (Gen. 2:18)

For protection against sin of sexual immorality (I Cor. 7:8-9)

For procreation (Gen. 1:28)

So when a woman becomes a widow, the family members, especially from the husband’s side should remember that she is still a human being made of flesh and blood. She still needs companionship, sexual intimacy, security – emotionally, socially, financially, etc. The children too need somebody they can look up to for guidance.

It is interesting to know that God, the Originator of the institution called ‘Home’ has provision for a widow to be resettled. This was practiced by the children of Israel and would say some Yoruba tribes in the Western part of Nigeria used to practice it too. The young widow is remarried by a close family member – say the younger brother of the deceased. Thereby the property, the widow, and her children would be under his watchful eye. However, practicing such nowadays would greatly destabilize a home where “two are already one”. (Please note that God did not give Adam two Eves).

Ruth was a Moabite. She got married to Naomi’s son when she and her family (Elimelech, her husband, Mahlon, and Chilion her sons) went to dwell in the land of Moab. Unfortunately, the three men died, leaving three widows behind i.e Naomi and her two daughters-in-law. At a particular time, Naomi heard that God has visited His people of Judah again and that the famine was gone, she decided to go back home. Both daughters-in-law wanted to follow her and although she discouraged them, Ruth insisted. Ruth was a complete stranger in the land of Israel but she was not an idle widow. Naomi guided her to resettle as a married woman by marrying Boaz, the next kinsman of Elimelech, her late husband. Through this union, Ruth became a great grandmother of David the King (Ruth Chapters 1-4). Her impeccable strength, industriousness, character, and teachability were significantly helpful in changing her stories for good.

However, for many socioeconomic, safeguarding, peaceful coexistence, and spiritual reasons, such practice can no longer be sustained; just as polygamy is phasing out, for good. So, inheriting a widow by a family member is not practicable in the present-day dispensation. Family members of the diseased would be kind enough not only to show interest in the next line of action the young widow may want to take, but they should also willingly release her to remarry if she so desires. I have seen examples of widows who got married to widowers. The children of both of them were raised together without discrimination. In this way, her broken heart will be healed and her fears of facing the future alone with the children will be erased.

My plea is not only for the late husband’s family; I want to say that the body of Christ has a lot of roles to play in restoring her confidence. She should not be discouraged if she chooses to remarry, rather she should be encouraged not to turn down the offer of a serious suitor that asks for her hand in marriage. This will prevent illicit sexual interaction with men who know she is a widow and may want to abuse her.

ROLES OF OLDER WIDOWS

VISITATION: An older widow has passed through what the young widow is passing through. The older widow will do well to visit her regularly. As she visits, she should show her love, help her with the children. Through this, she will earn the confidence of the young widow and thus be able to impact her positively.

PRAYER: As they discuss, burdens should be committed into the hands of God who is their present Husband, and Redeemer.

BIBLE STUDY: the older widow will do well to study God’s promises with her concerning widowhood.

REMARRYING: During bible study, she should be assured that she is free to remarry if she wishes. She is no more bound.

She can also teach her coping tolerance, for instance, she may have to tolerate and overlook unexpected reactions from friends of the husband and immediate family members, from both sides.

FORGIVENESS: As the older widow studies the bible together with the young widow and as they pray together, the issue of forgiveness should be discussed. There is the tendency that people acting as her eyes and ears would want to feed her with unwholesome news. The young widow should be taught to learn to overlook and forgive anybody that seems to offend her or her children.

Learning to cope with loneliness by teaching her to be involved more in the service of God and humanity and by listening to soul-lifting music and messages.

The older widow can also connect her with groups that have passion for widows, for necessary assistance and prayers.

Grandma C. O Olutayo (Ojetayo)