Grace, a 13 year old beautiful and brilliant young girl from a sound Christian home, in the second year in one of the best private high schools in town, found herself uncontrollably attracted to a cool young boy in the senior class. He was there in her head, mind and dreams. She tried her best to suppress this feeling but she couldn’t. She was frustrated. She knew she would be stepping on a thin ice if she gives in to her feelings. On the other hand, she also wants to taste this sweet adventure of love. “I think I need help at this stage. But who will help me now?” I am too ashamed to tell Dorcas, my best friend. I don’t want her to see me in a wrong way. I can’t bear this feeling any more, it’s killing me.” She said to herself as she was cleaning some dishes in the kitchen. At that moment, Mide, her mom, walked in to the kitchen overhearing her last statement.

What’s that about, Grace? What’s killing you? Her mom asked. Jolted back to reality, she stammered “what are you talking about mommy?”I heard you say something is killing you and I would love to understand that statement. Oh! I said that? Her mom gave her a look that said “don’t patronize me, girl!” She hesitantly dropped the dish she was washing in to the sink and turned her body to face her mom. Then, she busted into a cracking laughter. With a raised eyebrow, her mom asked, what’s funny? Are you okay? But Grace laughed the more... Mom, it’s my line in the school play. I am expected to memorize and make it come alive as if it’s real...

Most of us can relate well with the story above. Don’t we? Most of us dare not share such intimate stuffs with our parents because we know how they would react. However, times have changed. We need to be able to spur our children to confide in us, even with petty stuffs. We need to prayerfully and physically connect with our children so that we may be able to impart and influence their decisions in this deadly world. “Lord Luggard” approaches to children training will hurt us, hurt our children as well as generations coming after us. “Parents are always right and can’t apologise to their children” approaches will push our children away.

“Perfectionist parenting” will only cause our children to disdain us because they know we are only hiding behind one finger. It’s time to be real. Let’s tell them our mistakes, what we learned from the mistakes and how these lessons shaped us. Let’s tell them our struggles so they know they are not alone in their own struggles. Let’s show them how we lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus by praying together about issues of life. Let’s create scenarios of life in our discussions together to challenge their thinking and make them learn in a relaxed environment.

The Emerald Light arm of the Selah Series caters for the teenage and/or young accidental mothers. And from our experience relating with these younger ladies, we can confirm that poor connections between parents and teenagers, and parenting styles are perhaps the most important areas that need fixing by parents. Or how do we handle a 6 year old boy who wanted his mom to meet his girlfriend? No, he didn't mean a female friend, he explained further that he wanted to start a family with the little princess.

If you don't have good connection, attentive ears and patience, you will not be able to grasp his thoughts and how to appropriately channel his attention to his education - learning his Primary 1 tasks. And, that gap will only widen as they grow up and they will be deprived of the guidance that parents are meant to offer. If you show interest in their teenage crush and early foray into their boyfriend/girlfriend thing, you will have better opportunities to watch over them and navigate their topsy-turvy emotions. While we don't encourage teenagers wasting their time on premarital relationships, we have to face the fact, many of them still do, behind their parents, and they stumble quite often. Most of us did.

These connections spur their confidence in and closeness with us. The world is tough and cruel; our children need to have a safe landing in us and in our home. They need to now that they can find help in us when they need it, and without being shamed or shut down by our prejudices and actions. So, serious daddy and straight-faced mummy, please calm down and come down to their levels. If you don't stoop to their levels, you may not be able to lift them up.