Writing this article is coming at a time following when our family has had to either prepare some of our protégés or be involved their wedding and marriage plans, so we’ll be sharing some of our observations from their experiences. For clarity, marriage in our context, is the living together of a man (husband) and his woman (wife). This write-up will focus on planning for the post wedding experiences.

There are many cravings of humans that portray the state of Utopia. One of such constant cravings is the expectation of an “Happily-ever-after”. Literature (oral, written and acted; classics and contemporary), poetry, Religion, culture, and even parents create an expectation/longing for models of paradise. Dreams are formed and fostered around the longing for a Happily-ever-after. As children grow, for many, these dreams become at first difficult, then increasingly unattainable and finally frustrating as lofty expectations are dashed.

The Bible clearly states that there are responsibilities required of every individual for the attainment of God’s models (business, finance, marriage, spirituality e.t.c.).

Preparing for marriage is quite different from preparing for the wedding but this fact is not generally reflected in the activities and planning of intending couples. Many societies place great emphasis on the wedding (and an assumed Happily-ever-after) at the expense of the marriage. Many who entered into marriage either unprepared or ill-prepared require great resolve to continue therein. Many (particularly Christians who would not offend God by divorce) continue to live in frustration for the rest of their lives - “bearing their cross”.

It is interesting to note that many vices amongst single youths today prevail because the society is running away from Godly marriage. Practices such as baby mama/daddy, “couples’ life”, “trial marriage” e.t.c. are signs of a world avoiding the commitments and sacrifices that marriage requires. Also, many of those who are making commitments into marriage don’t fully grab the import of the commitments they are signing into. People get married for so many reasons, logical or not and on getting married, discover that marriage demands more than they are able to give.

Dear young man/woman, it is a great thing that you are convinced that your fiancé/fiancée is God’s ordained for you; that you both love one another, have the support and endorsements of family, church, mentors, friends and well wishers. However, all these do not make for a happy home. God in as early as Genesis 2: 24: (That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.) declared that marriage is exclusively between the man and his wife. This means that they are to define what works for them.

Whatever type of wedding you plan for, please be deliberate in planning for the following. In this write-up, we do not intend to prescribe, but will be raising issues for consideration. Each couple should design what suits them best.

Short Term Plans

Honeymoon: the Honeymoon period is a time the newly wedded couple will use bonding, integration and adapting into one another. Unless the couple had been cohabitating (a trend that we do not support as it is unbiblical, however popular it may have become), couples must understand that their courtship period does not equate to the honeymoon and therefore must not be trivialized.

Although taking a holiday for the purpose may be laudable, couples who for whatever reasons cannot afford the holiday can still bond, integrate and adapt into each other through proper planning. If you can keep visitors away, your apartment can be your honeymoon – affordability!

The Home: there should be a suitable accommodation for the newly wed. No matter how accommodation benefactors may be, a newly wedded couple should have their own independent accommodation. It is better to spend money on setting up the home with comfortable facilities than on elaborate parts of the wedding (a good cooker is better than an expensive wedding cake).

Mid Term Plans

Immediate career path: many wives have resigned from their jobs in order to marry without alternative sources of employment or a sustainable income on the part of the husband. A man who will ask his wife to resign in order to wed should optimally provide for her livelihood, placing her on a stipend where possible. Moreover, productivity is one strong means of self actualization.

Financial Management: do not get married under a heavy burden of debt that leaves the new home unsustainable. Couples must agree on their finances and how it is managed. (Literatures abound on family finances).

Health Plan/Pregnancy: Young couples should have workable health plans and dependable health facilities. In the event of pregnancy, the man should take responsibility over his wife by being a support during the progressive and demanding stages of pregnancy.

Children: the couple should agree on child upbringing methods to practice and must always speak in unison, spacing, family planning methods and childcare choices.

In-Laws and extended family members: as with their children, the couple must agree on how to deal with their extended family without compromising the independence and sanctity of their home.

Long Term Plans

Visions/ambitions: your spouse to be should be familiar with your life’s visions, goals and ambitions and vice sersa. There should not be post wedding revelations of nursed ambitions that has not been agreed on beforehand.

Passions and Hobbies: Do not marry a spouse whose hobbies and passions you do not know or are not comfortable with. People are ready and willing to pay extreme prices to satisfy their passions.

Ministry and Church: Couples must understand, support and agree with the ministerial calling of their spouses before wedlock. They should also agree on the church/denomination in which both will serve God. It is spiritually unhealthy for couples to attend separate denominations.

From the foregoing, it is necessary for intending couples to focus on lasting issues that matter to the happiness of their married life rather on the momentary happiness of the wedding day.

Selah.

Pastor Oluwamayowa has been in charge of youth sections in Four Square Church for many years and has been God's untiring asset in getting young people ready for the marital journey.

© Selah Series 2021