Sex-related Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD is unfortunately far from an isolated issue. It has become shockingly common in our society nowadays. Recent research gives the worldwide figures that shows that nearly 1 in every 5 women has experienced rape (including among married couples), incest or any other form of sexual assault at some points in their lives, often by someone they know and trust.

Regardless of age, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving the victim feeling helpless, scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. The world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore, finding it difficult, not only to trust others, but even themselves.

They may question their judgment, their self-worth, and even their sanity. They often blame themselves for what happened and see themselves as “dirty” or “damaged goods.” Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible. And on top of that, they may struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

Many avoid sex, as much as possible, due to fear, and many, during the sexual encounter begin to experience anxiety, panic, and even dissociate (when their minds escape from the here and now, and they might even begin to re-imagine the abuse happening). This can be terrifying for the woman and her partner, particularly since she is now willfully engaging in consensual sex. She may think to herself, “Why is this happening to me now, especially after all these years?”

It is important to note that many women do not seek out the support they need right after an assault because, for some of them, they try to make sense of what happened, on their own. “How did this happen?” “How could this person I know do this to me?” “Could I have prevented this?” Unfortunately, most women do not press charges, especially in the case of a known perpetrator of sexual violence because they do not want to have to share their story in court or face the perpetrator. As a result, countless women suffer in silence, with many never able to open up and/or enjoy sex again.

However, it is possible for you, as a woman, who has experienced sexual trauma to begin to enjoy sex again, but it is important, if you will, to not leave things to time, because time doesn't really heal in this wise.

Some definite steps must be taken to kick start the healing process. It is advisable, if you have the means, to reach out to a mental health professional who has experience working with clients who have experienced sexual violence. Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with is key to healing. But for people who can't afford a professional help, the following self help will be useful:

a. Open Up

Though it can be really difficult to open up that you were raped or sexually assaulted because of the presumed stigma attached, and the fear of how others will react; yet when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood. So, first and foremost, you must open up, but first to God in prayer for healing.

b. Reach out to someone you trust

After opening up to God, you must reach out to someone you trust. As scary as this may be, it will set you free. However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first. Your best bet is someone who will be supportive, empathetic, and calm like your Pastor or a Therapist.

c. Challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation

Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable but you must challenge your feeling of helplessness by reminding yourself that you have Christ in you who strengthens you and keeps you (Phil.3:13). You must tell yourself that you are not alone in it (Heb. 13:5).

d. Consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors.

Meeting with others who have gone through the same ordeal can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.

e. Dealing with feelings of guilt and shame

The feelings of shame and guilt that often follow the assault must be dealt with. As you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You did not bring the assault on yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed about. Regardless of the circumstances, the only one who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator, not you. You must embrace what the word of God has said concerning you. He has promised to give you beauty for your ashes (Isa. 61:3).

f. Speak the word of God consistently to yourself, God's word heals (PS. 107:20).

Embracing it and speaking it consistently over your life will activate the healing power for the healing you need. Tell yourself: 'In all these, I am more than conqueror through Christ that loves me. He said, He will never leave me, nor forsake me, so I know I am not alone. I am not a 'damaged good' because my Maker says 'I am fearfully and wonderfully made'. I am the marvelous work of God. All things will work together for my good, even this experience. I am not helpless because I have help in God. He said He will help me and I will not be put to shame.'

Credit: We thank Aunty Bosede and Uncle Segun OLA - SAMUEL for writing today's piece. They both, are Senior Pastors of Graceway Christian Centre. They oversee Marriage Enrichment Network M.E.N), a body that is committed to promoting the sanctity of the marriage institution, comprising of couples from all works of life, who are committed to making their marriage work. They are authors of several books, one of which is Enjoying Great Sex Life. They run a column in Saturday Tribune, a Nigerian newspaper, known as INTIMACY with Bosede Ola-Samuel, with the vision of promoting sexual fulfillment in marriage. And they also run conferences for couples.

Good morning and have a beautiful day.

© SELAH SERIES 2020