One major challenge these days to the male folks in our society is visual assault from female folks. This has to do with the mode of dressing of most females, it makes the males easily susceptible to sexual temptation. This situation makes even the very elect among pastors vulnerable. This is why pastors’ wives must up their games in the area of dressing and sex at the home front.

There is still a serious challenge in marriages. That is the fact that most wives still have problem with initiating sex with their husbands. Thus, they live in pretence when it comes to sex in their marriages.

I don't know where most wives get the idea from, that because men have higher libido than women, it is mandatory for men to initiate sex. Thus, most wives are trapped with the tradition of having their husbands initiate sex all the time, with a few unavoidable exceptions.

Like one wife said, it is the tradition of women to make men pursue them and initiate sex with them. To such wives, it is a taboo to ask their husbands for sex. It is believed that intiating sex can make husbands look down upon them as degrading womanhood, or to relate it to marriage, wifehood.

Not only that, such wives also prefer to suffer in silence than to initiate sex with their husbands. Thus, suffering and smiling is the order of the day for them, on the days they feel horny. On such days, they can also pick up quarrels so easily (and avoidably) with their husbands, instead of asking for sex in direct and indirect ways. How do we deal with this dilemma of wives with their husbands?

The other pretence also involves false response of "I am not interested" to their husbands' sexual advances. Though, in their heart of heart, they are dying to make a roll on of "John Thomas" of their husbands. But, they will rather play hard to get than give their husbands easy access to their bodies. This is rather absurd, taking into consideration the fact that it is their husbands we are talking about here.

I am of the opinion that having played hard to get before accepting to be in the relationship, this class of wives ought to have become tired of such needless a game. Or when will they have time for other types of constructive games in their marriages, when they seem to have conditioned themselves to this one archaic game?

Reasons For Sex Pretences By Wives:

To conform to the feminine tradition of not initiating sex

Wives get hooked with the traditional belief that a woman who initiates sex is a disgrace to womanhood. It is this tradition that affects the wives who will rarely ask their husbands for sex. But, this belief should have no place in marriage. You are now husband and wife, and as such, you own each other in totality.

To prevent their husbands from thinking that they are promiscuous

This is another funny belief that must be discarded. Why should your husband feel you are promiscuous because you ask him for, or initiate sex, with him? For God's sake, he is your husband, and you should be free with him in everything, including sex, which is one of the reasons for getting married in the first instance. Even if he feels so and you don't engage in it, it will become a futile thought for him at the end of the day.

To make their husbands value them as precious

Wives feel that, not initiating sex with their husbands enhances their worth to their husbands. That is, it makes them to be more valued by their husbands. The truth is that this is a mere myth that amounts to nothing. The truth is that most husbands feel elated when their wives ask them for, or initiate sex with them.

To enjoy the feeling of being pampered and conquered by their husbands

The fact that husbands initiate sex makes wives enjoy the feeling of being pampered and conquered. It is like the time the husbands were chasing them before getting their consent for the relationship at the beginning. This feeling makes them feel good, and as such, the more of such, the merrier for them. It is wrong.

To enjoy the feeling of being attractive to their husbands

Since men are moved by sight, wives feel that if their husbands run after them for sex, it is a sign of still being attractive to them. Hence, they will rather prefer being chased for sex by their husbands, than initiating sex with their husbands.

Implications of The Sex Pretence Scenario

It makes the husbands to be more vulnerable to sex advances outside.

What you are "begging" for at home is being offered on "a platter of gold" outside. It thus, becomes a case of "a prophet is without honour (only) at home."

Unfortunately, the women out there (including inside our churches) who are ravaging and hunting for husbands of other women don't hold these prejudices. They are very protective in their pursuits and will not hesitate to do anything to help their adulterous mission. Madam, stop endangering your marriage.

Leads to lack of sexual satisfaction for both husband and wife

When you are horny, and your husband is not asking for sex, you suffer in silence. Thus, denying both of you the joy of sexual satisfaction.

Conclusively, wives should feel free to initiate sex with their husbands. The truth is that husbands feel on top of the world when their wives initiate sex with them. It gives the impression that they are doing a great job in their sexual act with their wives.

Furthermore, the serious visual sex assault men face these days from the social sophistication dresses of ladies outside the home: inside public transport, bus stops, offices, and other public places demands that wives go extra mile to satisfy their husbands in bed. Since men are moved by sight, such assaults put a lot of pressure on the husbands, who must be relieved, and such is better relieved at the home front, since away matches have no guarantee of victory for the marriage.

Wives, it is not a crime or a sin to initiate sex with your husband. Don't allow the traditional, religious and cultural hypocritical backgrounds of your environment to tie you down to a myth that holds no water in the marriage setting.

Credit: We thank Uncle Segun and Aunty Bosede OLA-SAMUEL for writing today's piece. They are both Senior Pastors and are passionate about marriage fulfilling their God's-ordained mandates.

Good morning and have a fruitful week ahead. Blessedness.

© SELAH SERIES 2020