The elderly woman passed away and on the flip side of yesterday’s concerning scenario, the woman’s children are such a blessed bunch. Though they are all civil servants with financial struggles of their own, yet they dotingly took care of their mother, not with expensive things and luxuries - but with their best. They rotated visits, stocked her meds, food was never lacking, had a live-in housekeeper, and kept her in touch with her old friends and church attendance. Her transition was a loss to the grandchildren too. But of immense concern today is how the emotionally devastated and grieving family buried their matriarch. They were not flamboyant folks.

Yeah, I get it - all societies have structures and cultures, and we are not trying to uproot them. But consider certain scenarios and let’s see if there are things that we can do better.

The community submitted a list of what they required from the family. The negotiated figure is about a quarter of the guests the family prepared to host at the reception. There was no community levy owed by Mama, she was not a chief and never partook in the community’s sharing of the previous “loots”. The family had thought that a few people from the immediate community would honour them with their presence at the reception (held within their neighbourhood), but they still had to deliver food and drinks to the community leaders, and pay more levies.

The church would be their succour. They got in touch with the church for guidance. They got a list of what they should have delivered before the thanksgiving service was to start - raw food for the priests, cooked food and drinks for more than 120 people in different church groups, honoraria for 6 priests, ‘compulsory donation’ towards the church's never-ending business projects. In her words, Mama’s eldest daughter recounted - “this is about a third of our reception budget”. But, this cathedral isn’t a hungry assembly or is it? I still wonder. But I don't think so.

Just while they were looking for relief, the extended family got in touch with yet another list. The head of the family who was never in touch to check on Mama’s welfare or on his cousins, became the person to advise on “what was right”. While they were being pushed around by every supposed support system, their friends started the “aso ebi” crusade; the funeral had to be so colourful and trendy. Almost everyone around them just thought only about that colourful weekend such that they threw financial cautions into the sky.

To meet up with “what is right and colourful”, Mama’s children begged, borrowed, took loans and lapsed into a few years’ debts - some of which were so embarrassing. On one hand, they hadn’t fully recovered from the grieving process while on the other hand; the next few years had been financially challenged by the cost of the funeral rites. A few of the grandchildren that grandma loved so much had to struggle or defer admissions to tertiary education.

Like I reflected with a friend, my dad’s funeral reminds me why poverty thrives well in Africa. It wasn’t the best time for me and my wife financially, but as always, God (through many good people in our lives) showed up, such that we had the capacity for a flamboyant party (if we wanted it). But isn’t it interesting that I kept fighting for a quality event at the most modest budget and many people kept emphasizing “what was right” (with little or no regard for budget)?

Oh, I like colourful parties. Who no like better things? But modesty and living within your means is your choice. Humbly stand your ground on what you can and cannot afford or do. Today’s plea, therefore, is to our extended families, friends, communities and church leaders. If the family of the deceased have an abundance to splash, enjoy the frenzy. If they have just a little, please accept them with love. Please consider the survival of the deceased’s survivors. Economic challenges are hitting hard and hurting many families already, please let us review the societal and cultural practices that belabour already distressed folks.

Selah!

PS: Please pray along with us that God will bring His intention to pass in the lives of His people. This last lap is so crucial. And, I hear the gist of airtime rain. _Beatitudes_

© SELAH SERIES 2022