We had covered funding wedding events in the previous editions of the Selah Series and had the planning and funding of funerals in our diary for this year’s edition. So, this aspect of the Series is not because of our recent experience. Before we narrow it down, let’s reiterate a general principle. What you see on social media and the lovely flamboyant parties all have differing underlying “gists” that you don’t know. Lately, a distant friend's wedding in Lagos gulped ₦2.5m for decorations ALONE, as the couple reportedly lavished not less than ₦15m; excluding what their parents and extended families spent on the wedding. My joy for the couple knows no bounds, just as my concerns for their Instagram followers, most of who don’t know that these guys only live in Nigeria, but with the US economy (jobs & pay), financial security, good properties and insurance policies.

The concept of funerals being dubbed last respect doesn't apply to many situations in Nigeria. While growing up in Ilesha, we had many aged people who lacked care while they lived but became objects of flamboyant funeral events, quite often. There was a particular one sometimes during my teenage days that the community actually refrained from the extravaganza being thrown around by the family of the deceased. The woman lacked the care that she dearly needed. Her family (support system) was the Anglican priests and welfare teams, and her neighbours. She practically begged within the community. Just a few days after she died, we began to see luxurious vehicles, renovation of the house began, and "the legend himself" was the musician who played at the reception. That was a moment for me to learn what last respect is not.

Yes, I understand that there are diverse complications that happen in and to relationships, including between ageing parents and their adult children. But, if those complications don't stop you from throwing a beautiful "self-respect" (because you are only respecting your social image, the deceased isn't receiving or censoring respect) disguised as last respect, then please do the needful while they yet live. Forgive their wrongs and apply the lessons from the hurting experiences to how you will implement their care. Don't leave them without care; at least food, shelter, warmth/clothing, healthcare and emotional care; as much as you can afford. Please bear in mind that the most expensive is not always the most effective, this principle applies to the care of the elderly perhaps more than anything else.

In many ways, looking after your ageing parents is a great example for your children. Besides being a biblical injunction and social expectation, it is equally the best insurance for your old age. I used to think that money fixes old age until I saw how phone conversations, hugs and dining with extended families meant to many very comfortable or affluent aged people. Emotional care is as essential as physical care and feeding. Last respect doesn't mean the only respect. Don't leave their care till they are dead.

Economic stress, unemployment and poverty suffered by some people may be the stumbling block preventing them from taking care of their ageing parents. You can't give what you don't have, that's true. But, you don't need money for everything. Do the part of the care that doesn't require money or that you can afford. Then, tell them that you are waiting on God to prosper your ways so that you can do more. Enlist their prayer support. In your personal prayers, mention this to God too, how you desire to make the old age of your parents more peaceful if God prosper your ways. Please keep your vows, because God will prosper your ways. There may be the temptation to wait until "you have arrived" before you start to implement your promises and cares for them. Don't fall for it. When your salary rises by 10%, let it reflect in their standard of living, by 10%. Start with the little you have now. The Lord bless you.

Selah!

© SELAH SERIES 2022