Trust is arguably the most essential ingredient of a successful union. Being naked and not ashamed is premised on unrestrained vulnerability and trust as the bedrock. Emmanuel Eboue trusted his ex-wife and was severely punished for it. Eboue is a former Ivorian player who played for Arsenal and other European clubs. He entrusted his finances to his ex-wife 100%. I remember reading harsh comments, and some called him a fool. Others may describe the trust that excels a good marriage as synonymous with folly, and they may not be wrong. 

When the motive from both parties is the union’s success, then no layer of trust is too high to attain. 

The question, however, is, what if the motive is not noble on one side of the bargain? Many iconic athletes, movie stars, and celebrities in businesses have gone under after suffering a catastrophic divorce. Usually, the divorce happens as the guy begins to climax. If it’s about rape, violence or other criminal or safety-related themes - then okay. But, a model waking up on the wrong side of the bed and heading for a predetermined divorce is becoming a lucrative get-rich-quick career. There comes Mustafa Hakimi’s story. We don’t know how true it is, but it still offers much to learn. 

In the past year, “a Hakimi” I know personally lost so much to an unprovoked divorce. Evidence abounds that the woman came in for the wealth and suddenly sed the legal loopholes to become a dollar millionaire. So, is there wisdom in Hakimi’s rumoured approach? Is there wisdom in lying? No. Is marriage supposed to be without openness? No. Is transparency in marriage supposed to exempt the financial aspect? No. Is a trusting wife or husband supposed to be prey to predator spouses? No, also. So, where is the escape route? 

Communication and transparency are vital ingredients to mutual trust. All day long, I am a passionate fan of couples having no financial boundaries. What God has joined together, let no finances put asunder. However, I know that not everyone in marriage can keep up with the proactive and effective communication and transparency required to maintain that 100% joint account. Transparency in a stewardship format keeps everyone abreast and at peace. It also helps you stay out of troubles and frivolities - knowing that you will give account. 

Yes, your marriage may be a great example of faultless communication, transparency and trust but just not applicable to your financial values, priorities and profiles. And that’s okay. Your home doesn’t have to suffer. Communicate your commitments, values, expectations, misgivings and disappointments to the other person. Agree on what works for you both and stick to it. 

Joint names on savings accounts, properties, investments and insurance policies should only be a product of unalloyed trust. If unsure, don’t use your spouse’s name as next of kin on documents or policies that may be used to cash out. I don’t think that Christians go into marriage with divorce in mind. But unfortunately, it happens to us. Where doubts or warning signs may abide, couples may discuss and agree not to use each other as next of kin, decide to keep the identity of next of kin discrete from each other and perhaps have a legal agreement on severance formula in the case of separation or divorce. Why are we going this far? So that people don’t continue to fall prey to the hands of wolves and trolls disguised as kind spouses.

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