Day 4: Failed distinctions

I had an experience in 2022 where my 75% wasn’t enough and concluded that I will most likely always require at least 80% to make the nod in my professional endeavours. A year later, I fell short with 83%. Before you start feeling sad for me, I must add that God somehow occasioned things to my favour and His glory on both occasions. What I want us to elicit from the experiences is how mathematical distinctions and excellence can equally amount to failure. So, let’s get to today’s business. 

We almost don’t expect that two people coming into marriage will be 100% match-made for each other. The “opposite poles attract” rule applies to marriages. The charm and eloquence of the Prince Charming often wow the quiet, beautiful princess. That’s 50% similarity (physical charm) and 50% opposite (quiet and outspoken). By the time you begin to go into deeper spiritual and conceptual traits, you start to see more similarities (faith, passion, life goals) garnished with some differences. Ultimately, they come together into marriage, having practically reconciled their respective interests and see a future together. So, a 90% match will be an excellent figure and reassure of a beautiful home ahead of the lovebirds. We can forgo the 10%, can’t we? 

There you go. Our agreement that 100% match is overambitious and unrealistic often bites back. The Christian courtship emphasises purity. So, say the 90% matched lovebirds get into the marriage and find out more about each other. The 10% dissimilarity thinned out over the years; the silent beauty now talks eloquently, and the orator speaks less to listen more. Marriage made in heaven, isn’t it?

But hang on, some things that are not known until they start living together are coming to the limelight. We should be reminded that purity is still the standard in a Christian courtship, with no testing and no cohabiting. I have encountered a wide range of issues: She snores so loudly. He’s so filthy with his shoes. She is frivolous with finances. He doesn’t contribute to chores. They see sex from entirely opposite perspectives. They are passionate about fulfilling their respective dreams but have opposite views of family life. His family are intrusive and he’s not doing enough to curb them. She believes she’s perfect as she is, not malleable. He’s not prudent. She lacks basic manners. His penis is small. Her breasts can be more satisfying. The list is endless, and the issues are not really gender specific, so she there can mean he in another home. 

Do you remember how perfect titanic was? Why would such beauty sink? You would listen to heightening love stories, and just as you drool in awe of their perfect match, the person on the other end of the conversation drops his or her pitch as the discussion evolves to unearth these concerning issues. As I usually do in those conversations, you may think, “But can’t we fix these things with mutual understanding?” Yes. But you see, mutual understanding requires mutual admittance of what can be better, readiness and intentionality in seeking help and most importantly - the desire to fix the issues. When one person says nothing needs fixing or the two people have opposing views on fixing, Satan is gradually being offered the landlord role in such a home. What to do? 

© Selah Series 2024