Day 5: Preventing failed distinctions

You may recall that safety issues were raised with the Titanic sub. The golden rule applies in marital disasters too - prevention is better than cure. Our single brethren and those in courtship have a fantastic opportunity to sort out these issues and proffer solutions where problems are anticipated. But how are you expected to figure out things that are usually discovered when you start living together? Valid question! That’s where incisive MRI-like courtship comes in. 

On career dreams, professional roles and aspirations, spiritual gifting and services, hold nothing back on where you are and what you want to do with your lives. Make it easy for each other to decide if you are meant for each other. You might be telling me about what God told you, and that’s perfect. But you see, perfect is different from complete. The completeness of the perfect plans of God for your marital life involves you and your spouse. God said he is your husband/wife, but are you happy to live the rest of your life with him/her? I will lose count of failed or hailing marriages initially built on what God said. God’s word hasn’t expired and will never do. The marriages have failed or failing because one or the two people in the union have failed to do their part in making the marriage excel. 

I am shocked at the deaf ears we turn to physical things. Do you love this person? Beyond what you can see, do you love this person? And don’t pretend at the next one - do you passionately love what you see? Where the answers to these things are not positive, press the pause button and figure things out. You both may end up living in frustration. Building a home on God is an excellent cause; however, you are not getting married to God; you are getting married to your wife/husband.

Brethren, there is no wisdom in saving your energy and prayer points for evil days when you can discuss and work through them now. As much as you can think about it, and it is NOT sinful, discuss it. Discuss what fantasies you are looking forward to in marriage and settle on what is realistic. Discuss what you anticipate to enjoy from sex. Airing those fantasies, you have will let the other person know what disclosures need to happen to manage your expectations pragmatically. 

That said, if you are not passionate about sex, please don’t bother getting married except if you have the express word of the other person stating that you are both less interested in sex. However, please bear in mind that the person who isn’t interested today might be on fire two years into marriage - after all, how would s/he know what s/he had not experienced? So, it’s better to stay unmarried if you are not passionate about sex and physical intimacy. There are too many things that people are going through in marriages. Some avoidable frustrations are unfair to you and certainly will not be fair to the other person expecting you to be on fire in the bed. 

Ask questions about deal breakers and settle them before you print wedding invitation cards. Some women don’t like beards, some guys adore jewellery, etc. For so long, people have ignored these physical things and some brand these discussions as “carnal”, but you see, that’s in part how we began to leave the door open for the enemy to invade our churches. Our over-spirituality is catching up with us on the achilles. And whereas malleability is one factor that can save homes, many people are rather fixed on what they want or don’t want. So, don’t go in hoping that you will market your ideas to change or improve things.

© Selah Series 2024