Day 10: Laying Everything Bare in Courtship

God’s intention in every genuine relationship is openness and sincerity, including our relationship with Him (Psalm 24: 3-5). Similarly, God expects transparency between husband and wife especially from the start: during courtship. That is why Genesis 2:25 says, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Amos 3:3 also states: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” The first step to agreement in marriage is laying everything bare to each other. This, this and this were my former experiences in life. So, so, and so are the current challenges I am still struggling with. If you are bold and sincere enough to do this, the man/woman will go back to God and pray, or go back to him/herself or his/her advisors and decide whether he/she wants to continue with you, to face the past or current challenges with you or say, I am sorry, I don’t think I have as much faith as to continue in this relationship.

Consider the example of the Virgin Mary and Joseph, her would-be husband at that time. They were still in courtship when Mary “mysteriously” got pregnant. As holy and chaste as Mary was, she did not package herself for Joseph. Instead, she laid everything bare before Joseph. That allowed God to work on Joseph and persuade him to marry Mary.

Many homes and marriages are not in peace today because of one lie/secret or the other that was cleverly hidden by either of them while they were in courtship, and as the Psalmist wondered - if the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:3). Such lies or secrets may include previous relationships, sinful lifestyles, sexual exposures, past or ongoing addiction issues, health-related issues, negative family trends or histories, spiritual convictions, and so on.

Meanwhile, it is good to sound a note of warning that some immature partners may want to use such confessions to taunt their partners later in marriage, forgetting the parts of the Bible that say: “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17) and Acts 17:30 which says, “These times of ignorance God overlooked”. In such situations, the partner who confessed should not feel bad; he/she has obeyed God’s injunction, and God will vindicate such a person.

Pastor Abimbola Ojo.

Please do not hold back truths because you want to retain him/her. The lifespan of a lie or secret is only till the appearance/discovery of the truth. You cannot build a happy home on lies and secrets. What if s/he walks away? Perhaps such a person was not meant for you in the first place. You deserve a brave spouse. However, some issues are quite consequential, such that even the bravest soul may decide to walk away. And although God has forgiven, sometimes He doesn’t take away the consequences. If you are in such a situation, don’t live your life in regret; there is no shame in Christ - if the Saviour doesn’t condemn you, why should we? Live with this understanding.

© Selah Series 2024