Day 11: Naked and not ashamed

Gen.2.25 - And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

As we focus more on marriage and intimacy in marriages, this popular verse affords us a good transition point. There are two perspectives to it - before and after marriage. Yesterday, we discussed the “before marriage” dimension. Bear in mind that “naked and not ashamed” before marriage has nothing to do with fornication; we are not talking about literal nudity.

Building on yesterday’s focus, many marital troubles are linked to issues, concerns, and deal breakers that were not aired, trashed, and fixed before wedding vows were exchanged. When two people go into marriage with divergent expectations, significant life events they have chosen not to discuss, past intimate experience(s), and so on, such homes are targets for avoidable troubles. Let him/her know what you contain, who you are, and what stuff you are made of. Be real. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, folks; it’s not an excursion. If you package it in courtship, marriage will open it up for you, and it’s only a matter of time. If you think s/he may walk away upon realising some things about you, you had better face it now than hope to live with the repercussions after marriage. Don’t be desperate to get married. Enjoying marriage should be the target, not just getting married. 

The DNA trend in some quarters sums up so much. In those homes, couples are naked, but figuratively not so. From my God-given privileged points of view, I have seen men and women cover up their tracks, including some not minding endangering their homes and spouses. Earlier in my career, I nursed a lady who had a hysterectomy (womb removal), but all her unsuspecting fiancé knew was that she was in the hospital for appendectomy - appendix removal. I have met folks who would not disclose their HIV-positive or Hepatitis B-positive status to their spouses; husbands having children out of wedlock; paternity fraud; spouses in long-term infidelity; faked virginity; abortions; children born in early life; folks who financially scam their spouses - you can add to the inexhaustive list. 

“Naked and not ashamed” speaks of invasive and proactive honesty, what we now know as open disclosure in the healthcare sector. I have heard “we never had reason/need to talk about it” as the reason someone did not speak about HIV diagnosis to the unsuspecting spouse. In some of the cases cited above, shame became the least concern; some died. So, honesty in marriages can save lives, not just the marriage itself.

How do you lead such a difficult discussion? Where do you start from? What do you stand to lose? How will s/he see you afterwards? Name all your concerns. The Lord has a way out for each of them. Is there someone reading this, and you know you have a disclosure to do? We can talk about how you approach it. We can pray together. We can, together, seek elders’ counsel and intervention(s) to ensure that the enemy does not become glorified in the process.

Most importantly, we can work together to get you back on your faith track. You have carried the burden of guilt for so long; you don’t have to die with it. Help yourself by seeking help. 

© Selah Series 2024