Day 17: Reviving your sex life

I struggled with a clinical procedure a few years ago, and a senior colleague boasted, “If you are finding it difficult, it has to be because you are not getting something right”. He was right. I figured it out and became a pro at it. That counsel applies to sex. Sex is fun, joyful, and pleasurable. If one or both of you find sex as scary, difficult or burdensome, it is most likely because something is not right with one or both of you or between both of you. Identifying what’s not right and collectively addressing it is vital. 

Songs of Solomon 1:1

 "Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine".

Songs of Solomon 1:13

" My lover is like a sachet of myrrh lying between my breasts".

Songs of Solomon 4:16b

 "Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits.” (NLT) 

I kid you not; the above verses/lines are from the Bible. Songs of Solomon Chapter 7 is a great read, with the love poems, from verse 1 culminating into verse 16b. 

Sex is both relaxation and work. You may want to check out scientific explanations of the amount of energy that goes into a good round of sex. It is not something we should come to when we are entirely and finally spent - tired. And don’t forget, empty out your heart’s hurts, pains and concerns, IF possible, before sex so that you (and especially your spouse) are not driving against a barrier. Sex becomes a sad and burdensome experience if you are firing all cylinders against a hurt or bitter heart. But, if you think the issues are not what you can solve immediately, don’t deny each other sex in the meantime. Three-quarter bread is better than none. But ensure you are not operating at half or three-quarters bread/strength for so long. 

Don’t start by accelerating, sirs. Begin slowly. Except for quickies (against which there is no law or SOP), start sex from a relaxed point. Lingerie and sexy outfits that the heathens now wear on the streets are originally meant for this moment. Buy them, use them. They are not for Jezebel. They are for you, in your private spaces. Yes, you read that right. Unfortunately, Jezebels now wear them on the streets. Crack jokes as you both loosen up from whatever you did beforehand. Do you want to listen to music? Short Romance movies? Erotic dance? Erotic massage? Discover what works for each other and keep at it.

Then progress to foreplay, serve your bodies to each other in the format of “with my body I honour thee”. If you are doing things well, you will both be wet in no time and without stress. Sirs, it’s not formula 1, and it’s a two people’s game. Don’t be running far ahead of your spouse. Bring her with you all the way. So, as you begin to enter into your place of pleasure, do so with excitement but gently and intentionally following the cues from your spouse. 

Mas, being a missionary is not the only way to serve God. That our great-grandparents were missionaries doesn’t mean we cannot diversify, especially now that we know more. Restaurants offer varieties for a reason. Rejig your mindset on sex postures. There are a variety of ways to have sex and, indeed, remain within the tenets of our faith. How do you know these styles? There are Christian books on sex; one of them is “Enjoying Great Sex Life”, written by our auntie and mentor - Pastor Bosede Ola Samuel. Likewise, there are healthy websites that you can check out. Commit yourselves to a month of trying different postures and note the styles you both find comfortable. 

Cut!! Curtains closed.

I don’t think we can write more than these. We will explore these things at 7 pm Nigerian/UK/Irish time TODAY— no PowerPoint presentations, no lectures. We are just going to be handling your sex and intimacy questions, and we will discuss mentorship for marriages. In their 60s, our mentors once told us about how they have maintained close contact with their mentors, although almost 40 years together. Mentorship is one understated resource that marriages have not utilised enough.

"Slido" will be used to facilitate practical discussion sessions. "Slido" allows the participants to ask their questions anonymously if they so wish. Please see the Slido link attached below, and you can start asking your questions. We can’t wait to (meet you at 7 pm.

Google Meet link: JOO-DCGQ-OJE

Slido link: #3155776

© Selah Series 2024