Day 20: The Resistant Case

“And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honour her husband.” Eph 5 vs 28 - 33 (TMB)

Sometimes ago, I prayed for the right words to mediate in a marital dispute. And the Holy Spirit began to teach me about the madman of Gadarene (Mt 8 vs 28 - 34), to describe anyone who deliberately hurts his/her spouse. There you go! 

As Paul reiterated in the verses above, the two people are now one. It beats me how people come into marriage without understanding or deliberately discarding the fundamental mathematical principle that underpins marriage: 1 + 1 = 1. As Paul said, it’s a mystery, and we can’t know it all on this side of eternity, but it is essential to grasp and keep to it. Pampering, protecting, and prospering your spouse should be your everyday goal. 

The protection aspect includes your background family. A good wife should shield her husband from hurt or insults from her family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. And a husband must do even more to protect his wife and everyone/everything dear to her. Gen 2 vs 24 ties in perfectly with Eph 5 vs 31. A woman once argued that the command in both verses was for husbands. As you would imagine of such a woman’s home, she remained so glued to her background family that you would wonder why she got wedded to her husband without knowing what marriage is all about. Let us not give room for gender confusion - men and women should be deliberate about the leaving and cleaving process.

 Let your parents, siblings, close friends, mentors and pastors know that you continue to love them, hold them dearly and respect them, but that your spouse comes first. Whoever cannot live with this stance may not have your best interest at heart. And if we can limit the encroachment of in-laws and vested interests of pastors/mentors, we will kick the enemy out of many homes. So, please safeguard your home. Protect your wife/husband. 

 Alright, brethren. We have come a long way since day 1. Having implemented all the points stated earlier and much more, some cases may still not be solvable. Unfortunately, some marriages still fail. We don’t pray that anyone reading this ever gets into that sad situation. But whatever will happen, and even if you can’t make it work, please try to remain mature, civilised and maintain mutual respect. Enough of this insane flooding of social media with your marital and intimate stories. It doesn’t only tarnish the other person; you are terribly soiled, too. And, of course, have regard for your children, background families and church(es).

If mutual understanding of why and how to peacefully separate is the last time you will ever agree with each other again, why not give it a go? Work out your properties, possessions and especially children’s care, access and custody. What next? The street’s saying holds true - “what God cannot do does not exist” (Luke 1 vs 37). So, continue to intercede for your spouse and marriage. God has fixed worse, more complicated cases in the past, and He can fix yours if you both allow Him.

© Selah Series 2024