Mental health and wellness in marriage has been defined as a husband and his wife having a healthy attitude that helps them strengthen their bond with each other and achieve their common goal without any doubts or negativity getting in the way.

Married individuals struggling with mental health challenges may struggle to articulate themselves or communicate their feelings, thereby making conversation difficult and ultimately causing the marriage to be under undue stress.

POSSIBLE  CAUSES

Lack of mutual agreement on issues of difference of opinion, poor communication, feeling suppressed by the other partner, and living with an abusive, emotionally disconnected, or wasteful partner . Others include a cheating spouse, lack of or suboptimal sexual intimacy, and even interference in the marriage by third parties.

HOW CAN ONE RECOGNISE IT?

Signs that one’s spouse may be having a mental illness include

· Excessive sadness and bursting into tears for no reason

· Trouble falling asleep or persistently feeling tired despite adequate rest or sleep or excessive sleep.

· Strong feelings of anger or irritability, especially without any provocation

· Having suicidal thoughts

· Extreme mood swings (going from feeling depressed to feeling euphoric suddenly)

· Having hallucinations or delusions or difficulty perceiving reality

· Loss of interest in pleasurable activities (particularly sexual intercourse)

· Feeling anxious or worried for no clear reason

· Feeling depressed or constantly unhappy for no obvious reason

· Feeling guilty or worthless

· Unplanned weight or appetite changes

· Being extremely quiet or withdrawn

· Substance abuse

The list is, of course, not exhaustive.

HOW COULD MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES AFFECT ONE’S MARRIAGE?

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION is often impaired. If an individual is affected by mental illness, communication with his or her spouse could become seriously strained. It can be challenging to address complex emotions or articulate feelings to the other person without good communication.

Another problem that could develop is CODEPENDENCY, which is an unhealthy situation in which the apparently normal spouse spends more and more time, effort and resources caring for the mentally challenged partner, who in turn progressively develops an excessive emotional or psychological reliance to the point where the caregiving partner neglects his or her personal needs, making them experience feelings of resentment and anger.

LEVEL OF INTIMACY could be affected. One spouse (the mentally affected individual or his/her partner) may become disinterested in sex due to the condition or treatment. Additionally, some people with mental health issues may have low self-esteem or feel inadequate regarding sexual gratification. For both spouses, this disrupts the bond and often results in unmet sexual needs. 

SOLUTIONS?

A healthy marriage is not as simple as just wishing it into existence. It takes hard work and dedication from both individuals involved. The following are some helpful nuggets.

First, GOD must be at the centre and the foundation. 

Trusting each other will define what the emotional relationship in one’s marriage will look like. 

Honouring one’s spouse is necessary and should involve respecting, communicating and esteeming each other.

Don’t avoid discussing the underlying cause and expressing unmet needs and inadequacies (including sex). Instead of making assumptions around expectations, raise and deal with the issues. 

Seek professional medical attention where necessary. 

Finally, Philippians 4 vs. 8 is probably the best daily mental exercise to keep our minds healthy.

Dr Chiazor Onyia

PS: A hungry man, they say, is an angry man. Worse than literal hunger, the biting socioeconomic hardships manifesting as varying degrees of hunger, poverty, unemployment and underemployment are tilting many people toward mental health issues. You are not alone; don’t give in to depression. Keep hope alive. You will outlast your tough time. Credit alert, capacity building and empowerment cure some mental health concerns. Regarding this, we are working on a small-scale idea. 

© SELAH SERIES 2023