In particular, the man is to set his love and affection on his wife. If a man loves his wife, it will be apparent to the children and to others in the extended family. The woman is primarily the object and the subject of the man's love. And a man who truly loves his wife will definitely love his children as well (1 John 5:1 KJV). In his book, the love languages... Gary Chapman identified five ways or languages wherein love can be expressed. The languages are

1. Quality time,

2. Acts of service,

3. Word of affirmation,

4. Gifts

5. Touch.

A man must know the love languages or expressions that his wife cherishes and deliberately speak those languages to her. Love languages represent the practical ways in which a man can express his love to his wife by godly examples. Women attach varying degrees of importance to various love languages. For some women, quality time – the time spent by the husband with her in thinking, talking, and doing things together is the ultimate. For others, acts of service – the man performing various tasks to assist the wife around the home or in her personal pursuits is what is important to them. Yet for some others, it may be gifts or a material thing that’s their main language.

It is important to add that the acceptable languages vary from time to time and season to season. For instance, acts of service may not be a good birthday language – words of affirmation and gifts may do the magic. Responsibility is laid on every man to know the language(s) that his wife cherishes. Many women have multiple love languages but usually, there is a predominant one among the lot, and this, the man must identify and express regularly to his wife.

Dr. Akin Omisore

'Lekan Agunbiade adds - Pastor Noel and Uncle Akin have both blessed us by doing sufficient work by viewing leadership and shepherd from family perspectives. Now, let us look at few issues together...

Mr. X. Z always complains that his wife is not respecting his family background enough. He expects so many improvements from his wife but can't give her a few minutes audience for the woman to clarify their different perspectives of the situation at hand. All he needed was a very peaceful inquiry from his wife regarding what transpired and he would have spotted the excesses of his siblings, which have become habitual anyway. Plus, if a husband allows his background family to see his wife as someone who can be treated disrespectfully, such a man and his background family should be considered a collective disgrace - regardless of their social statuses. When you have issues between yourselves, settle it between yourselves and if your background family must (or accidentally) know, let them see that the issues in your marriage haven't eroded the love and respect you have for your wife.

Those three magic words are enough to keep the fire burning in many homes. Sorry, please, and thanks. Simple, aren't they? Yes, I think. A leader, a head of the home who is not spontaneous with these words and uses them as appropriate may just be a figurehead but without matching influence or acceptance. You may be physically leading a wife who is emotionally far away from you. If you don't know how to appreciate your wife, for big things and especially the small ones; if you don't optimally and contritely apologize or if you find it difficult to package your requests and conversations in a very polite way, then you may need an internship not just on how to be a good husband, but even on how to be a civilized adult. That you are the head of the home should rather make you a humble leader, not a rude boss. Remember that if there is no body, the head becomes useless.

Aunty Ngozi Okonjo Iweala is the current DG of the World Trade Organisation and I suppose that many men want to associate with such testimonies. The husbands of high fliers. I will just like to remind you that we don't harvest carrots on cashew trees. The woman to who you say nasty things, never appreciate her small wins or encourage through her failures, or never believed may not yield such testimony.

Miss J. decided against marriage because of the failures of her parent's marriage. Miss A. told her mother that if Jesus and marriage were the two factors that kept her in the violent union, she would rather not want to have anything to do with both. Thus, the young lady named after the Lord became a far-leftist, with an unimaginable penchant/crave for whatever the Bible explains to be wrong. If the men in these examples had been good husbands, perhaps the choices and lives of these young ladies would have been quite different.

Absent paternity has been one of the worst chronic and progressive issues in the 21st century. The number of homes lacking the basic roles of quality fatherhood is increasing and this may be associated with some of the vices we are having to get used to. I haven't done any study on it but let us think about it - Boy A or Girl A grows under the parental guidance of his or her happily married father and mother whereas Boy B or Girl B is being raised by the best single parent you can think of. Given time/era, resources, the child's temperament, and support system as constant in both cases, the boy or girl being raised by both parents is more likely to turn out well. And it is a researchable hypothesis that such children would grow up to prefer heterogeneous marriages, having been products of successful heterogeneous homes themselves.

So, when a man loves the Lord, he finds it easy to key himself into God's word. Such a man is able to love his wife unconditionally as Christ loves the church, thus leading a happy marriage. Such beautiful marriages have greater chances of raising good children and by so doing, raising a happy family.

Selah

© Selah Series 2021