It has been said times and over, when the purpose is not known or is misconstrued, all kinds of abuse are inevitable. It’s imperative to state emphatically what sexual purity is and what it is not, to do just that, let’s examine it from both biblical and scientific perspectives.

“For you know the commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you should abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.-1Thessaloniance 4:2-3”

To abstain from sexual immorality before marriage (pre-marital sex, and other pre-marital sexual activities) is to maintain sexual purity. Simply, abstain! That’s God’s prescription. The secular world’s philosophy of “if it feels good, do it” pervades this sacred injunction to the point where sexual purity is seen as archaic and unnecessary.

Abiding in isolation does not necessarily help one to maintain sexual purity, many are living in isolation but are more sexually defiled through all kinds of pornographic materials and self-servicing.

A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report revealed that teenagers who remain abstinent are much healthier on many fronts than their sexually active peers. Another analysis from The Heritage Foundation found that sexually active teenage boys and girls are much less likely to be happy and more likely to be depressed and attempt suicide, compared to teenagers who aren’t sexually active. According to the report, the most likely explanation for this is that early sexual activity leads to highly unnecessary emotional stress and reduces happiness in teenagers.

This doesn’t just affect teenagers. Similar results are also seen in young adults. A study by the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality revealed that regret over casual sex has been associated with psychological distress, like loss of life satisfaction, loss of self-worth, depression and physical health problems.

It might interest you to know that the consequences of pre-marital sexual perverseness spills over into marriage as well.

I remember vividly how I was greatly helped by God not to waste my precious time and resources on unnecessary games, wandering from one lady to the other, testing waters all in the name of dating when I know quite well that I was not ready in all fronts for marriage.

I had some great goals set to be achieved while on campus, and even after I left campus, before thinking of marriage. I was so much neck deep in my studies and other professional developments that I had practically no time left for me to think of wooing a lady I have no plans for. If I must go far and deploy my youthful vigour and visions appropriately and maximally, why shouldn’t I avoid unnecessary distractions, emotional stresses and strains, regrets and heartaches? Are these ugly or “good” experiences required to achieve my set goals? My response was always NO. I instead channeled the energy, time and money to achieve those worthwhile goals and it paid off hugely.

I remember I once gently and politely told a lady who happens to be a close friend during my third year in the university, when I observed that we were getting unnecessarily bonded that I have no such intention and that it is not listed as part of my goals to get involved in any emotional intimacy with any lady while on campus. I set clear boundaries. She understood the point clearly, we both maintained the boundaries, we both enjoyed good friendship within the confines of the set boundaries, no betrayal, no pain, no defilement, no emotional entanglement. We were not asking each other unnecessary questions to fuel lust that could jeopardize sexual purity, we were not making provisions for the flesh through unnecessary visitations, cuddling, petting, kissing to satisfy the sexual lust.

The decaying societal value system have us believe that preserving sexual activities for marriage takes away our joy and is an outdated notion that doesn’t apply to our lives today. The Scriptures say otherwise, if we follow the current societal value system, we will not only experience less happiness, we will actually reap undesirable array of consequences as well. Remaining sexually pure before marriage frees us from these negative emotional, psychological and physical undesirable outcomes.

Apply necessary self-control, avoid all forms of emotional entanglement by setting clear boundaries. When you are not ready for marriage, don’t pretend to be, because of sexual lust, rather set worthwhile goals for yourself and get busy achieving them.

His grace is always sufficient for us in all situations.

'Kunle Ikotun

'Lekan - “Olukunle is my cousin and dear childhood friend. We are agemates and by God's grace, we both met the Lord early in our lives. But while I ventured into premarital relationships from early twenties, Olukunle was able to maintain his focus on his education and professional goals such that his amazing wife was the first lady he wooed, and that didn't happen before his 30th birthday. I will not bother you with his career and professional landmark achievements, lest I violate his conservative principles. They are laudable. I celebrate Christ in him and he has my utmost respect. Thank God that today, we are both doing wonderful for God in our respective paths, but if I have to recommend either of our premarital experiences to unmarried youths, I will recommend Olukunle's path, 100%.

Yes, someone may argue that God forgives us and that many unbelievers who lived messy youthful days are equally successful in marriages. You may be right, but besides the hurts and avoidable scars, defilement and severed self worth, what about the guilt you have in your heart when you reflect on the days in which you sinned against the God who loves you so much? The path of righteousness is not only to please God, but helps our mortal bodies too.”

Selah