Sequel to yesterday's post, few conversations ensued and we have enough reasons to interrupt the drawn out schedule for this phase of the Series. Today, we will look at one of two important things; the practical implications of "helpmeet" in the 21st century.

I will start with the message from a dear brother.

"Brother Lekan, good morning and thank you for the cerebral ingenuity expended in this writeup. I however, want you to look closely at cultural influences on this issue {an update maybe} . There are some cultures (perceived or real) that declares that a particular gender in a marriage has come to enjoy the spoils of the other with no iota of reciprocation in family building. This is supposedly considered the norm! How do you tackle this?"

It takes four hands to build a home, and I don't mean a house. It takes at least four hands to build a good home. Do you dream of a good home? You can have it, put forward your two hands and be ready to build passionately and sacrificially. God created us all and He is aware of the differences in the sizes of our hands. All He just requests us to do is to put your best forward.

Any culture that expects one partner to sweat it out while the other partner enjoys the spoil is not a good culture. No. In the past, women were the donkeys with which some African forefathers built their families. The men farmed while the women were left to raising the children, homemaking and also serving as farm workers. The women were thrown into "early old age" while the husbands got new wives. Being a wife few decades ago was synonymous to servitude. I will always passionately argue against that.

I grew up in a house where my father (although 12 years older than Ma'ami) is always active in the running of the house, and he still does that, at 87. I am always happy to refer to him as my reference example in how a man should lead his home, and leading physically from the front. He is not financially rich, he's not a charismatic leader either. But I grew up knowing that Maami's ero (grinding machines), for example, go through Papa before they go out to the engineers. I don't know a house chore that is too far away for him to partake and lead. Few months ago (past his 87th birthday), he almost slumped while trying to assist paid masons working in his house.

So, I grew up knowing that I am the best househelp for my wife. I passionately urge husbands not to limit their leadership roles in their families to financial contributions alone. You can't be reading newspapers or playing away while your wife is labouring hard to cater for your family. Such should not be expected from a good leader.

Regarding finances, we live in days when the title "breadwinner" no longer suffice in very many homes. Women are in professions, doing exceptional exploits across diverse platforms. Many women now earn more than their husbands. Throw in the arduous physiological sequences that women have to live through, then we may be able to appreciate our women better.

But let me address the erroneous idea of ladies who expect men to be their ATM machines. Wake up ma'am, it's a sunny day, and in the 21st century. Get up, get to work, add some values to yourself professionally and socio-economically. It may be a humble beginning, but start working, start selling something, just work.

Even "omo aristos" on the international scenes have agitated to be reckoned with as Commercial Sex Workers (CSW), because sex is work. So, if the only capital you have are genitals, then are you just another CSW? Just get working and stop waiting to live only on the labours of your partner. You might be earning so little, but the joy of "dignity of labour" will be so rewarding, not only for you, but also for your family.

Many components of the African culture no longer subsist. Any culture that expects a woman not to be working (thus professionally productive) in this day and age is against the Sustainable Developmental Goals (SDGs) and I don't expect anyone to be able to defend such derogatory values against the female gender.

Moreover, love will be sweeter when you have the financial capability to surprise your husbands. Cease from being the receiving end alone in terms of finances. It's not about competition, but about maximum productivity in your marriage. I don't care how much you are earning, just be financially productive and to the best endowment God has given you.

Let me give you a gist, men love women of substances; much more than they appreciate ladies who are only good at "slaying". I must have shared this publicly at some point in the past few years. God used my mentors to teach me about delayed gratification. So I sacrificed ceaselessly to buy shares. When the stocks market capsized during the last great recession, I lost everything I had worked for as a young professional, but I had grown up significantly in the process. At the next opportunity, I bought plots of land in different places with investment and residential ideas in mind. Then landjackers were disturbing us at a particularly strategic site. I was repaying heavy loans with which I bought the next plot of land.

Titilayo was the one who put all her NYSC earnings on the table, for us to secure the property. We were not married at the time; actually, this was about the second month in our courtship. You want more? Before we met, she had invested her internship earnings in buying landed property as an investment idea. So, I am usually surprised to see on the social media the unbelievable attention that our sisters give to "slaying". The best way to slay is by developing yourself, be your best at anything you commit to, grow human relationship skills - character, prosper all round and be an asset to our world.

Tomorrow, I will be talking about the second issue, by God's grace.

Good morning, Happy Sunday and enjoy a wonderful weekend.

© SELAH SERIES 2020