Please can I suggest that our unmarried readers go back to Day 1 - 15 posts? Thank you.

In many societies of the world, the myth that sex is for young people has become widely accepted. Many women now believe that the moment they are approaching a particular age, their men should excuse them. Many men, on the other hand, are not looking forward to getting older because they have heard that becoming a senior citizen takes the pleasure of sexual intercourse away from them.

However, this is pure myth according to research. There is no reason why a man and his wife should not enjoy good sexual intercourse into their seventies, and even eighties, if they are healthy. There are couples who celebrated their golden jubilee with love making.

You may want to ask: what about some men who discovered that they are losing their sexuality as they aged? You may even want to say: it happened to me and I know a few others who suffered the same fate. I cannot deny that it might have happened to you, but I can boldly say, it should not happen to you. I can hear somebody saying: Bosede, what are talking about? Just follow me; I will soon make sense in a moment.

Tim Lahaye, the co-author of the bestselling book, The Act of Marriage, once asked a man in his mid-seventies, with a wife about three or four years younger, how often they still had sex. This was his answer: “At least, three times a week”. He further stated, “Now that I’m retired, we have more time for that sort of thing”.

What was the secret of this man? Power of expectation! He never expected that old age should catch up with him in the matter of sex. He was positive that in old age, he would still be fruitful. The truth is that ageing people lose steam because they expect to do so. Age, they say, is a thing of the mind. The moment you can successfully say to yourself, “I am getting old”, you will feel old, and every organ in your body will respond the same way. After all, old people are expected to feel like that.

You may also want to say: Is there not supposed to be a difference in the sexuality of a man when he was young compared to when he is old? Yes, there will definitely be a difference. But the difference should not stop him from having a nice time with his wife. Here is what Tim Lahaye says: “As people grow older, the various parts of their body begin to wear out. But the process is as unpredictable as the people involved…When vital energies begin to run down in our maturity, many activities of our youth are pursued less energetically, and less frequently. It is not uncommon for senior citizens, especially men, to experience occasional malfunctions in love making”. According to him, this occasional malfunction should not stop them from trying it again.

The Masters and Johnson research team, which composed of William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, were the first to conduct a research on the sexual responsiveness of older adults, finding that given a state of reasonably good health, and the availability of an interested and interesting partner, there was no absolute age at which sexual abilities disappeared.

While they noted that there were specific changes to the patterns of male and female sexual responses with ageing-for example, it takes older men longer to become aroused, and they require more direct genital stimulation, and the speed and amount of vaginal lubrication tends to diminish with age in women as well. They noted that many older men and women are perfectly capable of excitement and orgasm well into their seventies and beyond, a finding that has been confirmed in population based epidemiological research on sexual function in the elderly.

The following would help in enhancing sexual performance of the aged:

Regular exercises

Intake of vitamin E, Zinc supplements, and other supplements are helpful in re-igniting virility.

You may consult with your doctor, to know what works for you.

Getting sufficient sleep.

This helps the body to renew and restore itself. Revitalizing the body with enough good sleep is necessary for a healthy sex life.

Limit alcoholic consumption, especially before sexual encounter.

Alcohol has been found to decrease the body’s ability to produce testosterone, and also negatively affects sexual function.

Minimize processed foods, deep fried foods, animal fats and refined sugar;

These foods can contribute to arteriosclerosis, thereby restricting the blood supply to the penis and the nerves which govern arousal.

Quit smoking.

It can damage the small blood vessels in the penis, decreasing sexual capacity.

Health managing skill.

One marital challenge that is impacting on sexual satisfaction is in the area of health. It is when one is healthy that sexual satisfaction will be a card on the table. When a partner's health is precarious, sex is the last thing to be desired. In fact, it is only great love and understanding of a couple in such a situation that can sustain them. It is a serious issue of concern that needs to be addressed adequately. The following information I will pass across here, will be of great help to those concerned.

In dealing with health challenge, let me state that this is of different shades and colours. It includes cancer of the breast, lung, throat, etc, prostate cancer, cervical cancer, and others. Even, for health challenge of common nature such as malaria, cold, and the likes, every couple must have to device means of rising above them to still enjoy sex.

In a recent situation, a wife complained that her husband had not touched her sexually for months, due to prostate cancer related treatment, leading to him losing erection, temporarily. The issue is that the couple must have to show great understanding about their situation. Despite the loss of erection, there are other things the husband can do to let his wife reach orgasm. He need not withdraw from touching his wife sexually.

All those touches will work for his wife to be sexually satisfied. The wife must also be patient with him, in order to encourage him in giving needful sexual touches that will give both sexual satisfactions.

In case of the situation where the health challenge does not allow for such sexual fondling, couples must employ caring love to fill in the gap. However, this must be maturely handled in order not to make a partner feel bad, or guilty about his/her failing health. The healthy one may also be coming across as being inconsiderate.

In the case of sex being practically impossible due to pains from the ailments, the couple must allow love to prevail above their sexual desire. Since sex is a thing of the mind, the couple's concern about the suffering of the sick partner, will weigh the mind down, such that the desire for sex becomes secondary. With this, the couple should be able to pull through without sex.

However, in reality, it could lead a partner to extra marital affairs. This could be heartbreaking for the sick partner, if the cat is let out of the bag. We have instances where this played out in some relationships, and it was really a death blow to the sick partners. I believe strongly that couples should show a high level of consideration for the ailing partner, by exercising self control while it lasted. Such understanding and control might just be what will give the sick partner the staying power to pull through miraculously, knowing that there is someone worth living for.

Alternatively, it may sooth the pains of departing this world, with the succour of love.

Conclusively, no challenge should be able to stop our enjoying sex, as a physical activity, or as a feeling of love in one's heart. With great understanding and self control, we will be able to pull through. May God save us all from various challenges that can hinder us from enjoying one of the most important activities in (1

versus 1 marriage). It is my prayers that those facing such health challenges will be helped by God to pull through successfully.

Credit: We thank Aunty Bosede and Uncle Segun OLA - SAMUEL for writing today's piece. They both, are Senior Pastors of Graceway Christian Centre. They oversee Marriage Enrichment Network M.E.N), a body that is committed to promoting the sanctity of the marriage institution, comprising of couples from all works of life, who are committed to making their marriage work. They are authors of several books, one of which is Enjoying Great Sex Life. They run a column in Saturday Tribune, a Nigerian newspaper, known as INTIMACY with Bosede Ola-Samuel, with the vision of promoting sexual fulfillment in marriage. And they also run conferences for couples.

Good morning and have a beautiful day.

© SELAH SERIES 2020