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Day 29: DYNAMICS OF RELATIONSHIPS
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Since creation, relationship has been one of the most studied concepts, yet not among the most understood. From the peaceful divine-human camaraderie in Eden and the fallout that ensued; to today’s complicated international relations; to the intricate premarital, marital and extended family relations; relationships are not as straightforward. There are at least 5 days’ posts on today’s topic but we will just touch it today and if God allows, we will pick it up in the future.
The most consequential relationship that you are involved in, is you and your Creator. The beauty of this relationship is that none of us is capable of earning the Father’s love; it is rather a gracious gift through the mortal life of Christ. It is one of the most talked about themes in human history, yet it has remained contemporary. And when Christ spoke about His yoke and burden being easy and light, He meant that yielding ourselves to a relationship with Him is actually more beneficial to us. The 10 Mosaic laws and Christ’s summarised version of them bode well for human relationships. Our individual and collective straying from that easy yoke and the light burden is the beginning of complications in our human relationships.
The next most important relationship is you and yourself. Intrapersonal communication is one of the least emphasized but highly consequential concepts. The mechanisms of self-esteem, self-worth, self-agency, self-rejection and self-love underpin how individuals views and come into interpersonal and group relations. Also, these mechanisms cannot be severed from mental health and soaring depression rates. More laurels don’t translate into more joy. Depression and suicide stats continue to rise among the affluent and elites, due to unresolved intrapersonal crises. Individuals who lack personal joy will struggle to sustain healthy marital or group relations.
Our bloated expectations of others are about the next consequential concept in relationship dynamics. Like my driving instructor reiterated many times, don’t leave the initiative of your safe driving to other road users. Focus on your drive, know-define-maintain your lane, and keep a healthy space. More still, expect anything from others. These seamlessly apply to relationships. A few months ago, a big brother taught me to expect one or a combination of 4 possibilities in every relationship - loyalty, betrayal, forgiveness and reconciliation. Rhema!
Loyalty is rare and rarely appreciated. We live in days when loyalty to a cause, relationship, vow or integrity is no longer rated highly in many quarters. On the other hand, betrayal and disappointments leave many promising relationships and marriages in the wreckage. Excusing others before concluding on betrayal may be helpful but where such fails, that is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness requires a great depth of strength and self-agency.
It took me a long time to learn that when I forgive others, I help myself to maintain healthy mental health, besides helping my personal relationship with The Father. However, the toughest part is self-forgiveness. Do you know it may be what is eating up your home and relationships? You haven’t forgiven yourself. Please prayerfully approach this. I bet God has forgiven you.
What do you do when an apology never comes or when a peaceful confrontation degenerates and hurts you more? The plateau of the forgiving mindset is when you don’t wait for apologies before you forgive. You are helping yourself to stay healthy and in tune with your God. But there is more - by the time I have been repeatedly hurt by the same folks in the same pattern, the Holy Spirit gave me a suffix to the wise saying - “To err is human, to forgive is divine; TO LEARN IS WISDOM”.
Because of our faith and scriptural injunction on forgiveness, some people may deliberately be hurting us, that is where learning and maintaining a healthy but non-bitter space becomes wisdom. Safeguard yourself from repeat offenders.
Selah!
PS: The technical issue with the website is still being fixed. Thanks.
© SELAH SERIES 2022

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